Fresh Beginning

Bonjour mon ami!
Spring Break is over!!! :'(   Today was the first day of the Tri.  Over spring break, I was refreshed.  I thought "screw them. screw everything. I'm done with drama."  And at school today, I felt those old feelings tugging at my heart.  But i was all "nope. not gonna happen."  And it worked!
Until now.
Thinking about him didn't do any damage at first. But now . . .  the more i think about him, the more the feelings creep back in.

WHY CAN'T I LET THIS GO?  Why isn't God helping me? Doesn't he get how hurt and frustrated and angry and emotional and doubtful this makes me?  It hurts. Not as bad as before though, which is a start i guess.  I keep wishing that he would give me some guidance, or a sign.  And then i wonder if he already did! But did he? Do you think he did? Because i don't know what it is. . . And if i don't know it's a sign, then is it really a sign?

S.O.S.

<3 Ella <3