First Blog!

Okay here it goes...

So right now im a mix of emotions. I kind of want to collapse and just cry for the rest of forever. But then part of me wants to suck it up and be strong and just tell myself it's no big deal.  I don't know if I hate myself for not crying, or if I'm proud of not being too affected. Either way I think about things that have happened every single day...and i try to pray. Yes, I'm a Jesus Lover.  What's the use in living without hope? I guess I'm just grateful. Grateful for what I do have.  Grateful for everything and everyone around me. There are so many people that are so, so, sooo much worse off.  When I'm feeling like my world is collapsing, I look around and realize that in a way, it is so perfect.  I have a nice house, nice things, and people that love me. What else do you need? There are people out there that don't know when their next meal is coming... they've lost everything. So next time you're going to complain about your sucky life...think again.  Those people probably think we're such brats.  We have so much and we take it all for granted.  I guess part of being human is taking things for granted...but still.  You can't use that as an excuse.  I've had friends that complain about how horrible their lives are...and I so desperatly wished I could open their eyes to the fact that...their lives are amazing.  They would grovel and cry when they should have been thanking God for everything they had. Who cares if your house isnt "big enough" or if you don't have "enough stuff"? All that matters is that you have food, a home, and people to love. So I guess my point is....be grateful.  No matter what, always be grateful.  That's what will keep you going.  I've lost family to suicide, My best friend abandoned me, My parent's aren't together and I've had to watch girlfriend after girlfriend come into my dad's life and then leave, I have problems with my stepdad, issues with my mom, some girl ruined my freshman year and stole my guy, and now... well now im grateful.  Ive had so many things happen, I can't even express all of them, or how much they hurt.  But I will always be happy, and no matter how muddled the light is, it will never be gone. I hold onto this one fact: Things will always get bad. But they will always get good again.

<3 Ella <3